


(Knight in Shining) Armor

by agenthill



Series: And, In Sign of Ancient Love, Their Plighted Hands They Join [21]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 20:46:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10749507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenthill/pseuds/agenthill
Summary: Even when the world turns their backs on Reinhardt, he never turns his back on them, for the people may stop wanting him, but they never stopneedinghim.Or,Reinhardt Wilhelm puts on a brave face for as long as he is able.





	(Knight in Shining) Armor

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for not one but TWO people named Jo, because between the two of them I've really come to love and appreciate Reinhardt.
> 
>  
> 
> [Crossposted to tumblr.](http://agenthill.tumblr.com/post/160071987046/knight-in-shining-armor)

Nulla.

Reinhardt Wilhelm's gregariousness is legendary. Everyone who knows him knows that he is loud, and cheerful, and that although he takes things very seriously, always, it is rare for his countenance to betray such. In interviews, on posters, and during ceremonies, he smiles, does not allow himself to falter for even a moment, maintaining an aura of confidence, and ease, as if his life were a fairytale, or a legend, and he the brave knight destined to succeed. Of course, he does not truly think this the case—how could he, given what he has done, has had done to himself, has done unto others?—but there is no harm in allowing others to believe that such is the case, is no harm in giving them hope, is no harm in giving them a reason to laugh when otherwise they would have none.

And if his smile falters when no one else is around to see, well, who would know?

 

I.

Every member of the original Overwatch team is chosen for a reason, after much careful deliberation by the powers that be. None of them are chosen for their abilities alone, but for their personalities as well, for how they will work together as a unit, with the knowledge in mind that if they cannot get along, cannot trust one another in the field, then their already impossible task of ending the Omnic Crisis will only be more so.

Most of them, however, are chosen for their skills _and_ their personality. Jack and Gabe, the American super soldiers, are not only biologically engineered to be something more than human, but are so similar in abilities and have trained together for so long that, should one of them fall, the other could easily take his place, could fill the leadership role without a moment's hesitation. Ana, the Egyptian sniper, is not only one of the best shots in the world, but is known to pay particular attention to the needs of her squad, has a reputation for never, _ever_ leaving a man behind—under her watch, they will not lose any of their so-called last hopes for humanity. Torbjörn, the Swedish engineer, is a man who built Omnics, so he has not _only_ his world-class engineering expertise, but a degree of inside knowledge that no one else does, and no advantage is too small, in times such as these; the things which he tells them, observing footage before battle, will save their lives numerous times.

But Reinhardt? He knows for a fact he is not the most skilled of the Crusaders, knows that in terms of ability, his mentor, Balderich von Adler is the better choice than he, and is a more capable commander, as well. Even disregarding Balderich, if his age were a concern—Reinhardt knows he is talented, but he is not the _most_ talented of his peers, in his own estimation.

However, that does not matter to UN General Secretary Gabrielle Adawe, for she does not choose Reinhardt for his skill. He is good enough, it is true, is decently talented, among his peers, is certainly _one of_ the best, even if he is not _the_ best, as she says, but that is not why he is being chosen.

Among all of the members of the first Strike Team, only Reinhardt Wilhelm is chosen _primarily_ for his personality.

What he is told, the day he is recruited by Secretary Adawe, is that when observing the Crusaders training, he was observed jesting in order to lighten tense situations, was seen joking with newer recruits who were terrified, in order to distract them, was described by his commanding officer as being generally affable, being kind and cheerful enough to ease tensions—and that, that ability to lift spirits, is what the strike team needs, more than they need someone to be their shield. After all, Secretary Adawe is no fool, she knows soldiers that internal conflict could bring down her team, could doom her project, and knows that the people she has chosen thusfar are prone to seriousness, and perhaps melancholy, knows that they will need someone to keep morale up, and that someone will be Reinhardt.

And so, Reinhardt does as he is told. Even in the darkest moments of the Crisis, his smile never falters, he never allows himself to show doubt. If his comrades believe that such is simply his nature, that he is unaware, unable, unwilling to acknowledge their dire situation, whom does it hurt? Not them, certainly, and it is their safety, their happiness, which Reinhardt prioritizes above his own.

After all, this is why he was chosen.

 

II.

After the crisis, when management of Overwatch passes from the hands of Secretary Adawe and into those of Secretary Petras, Reinhardt knows that he has the opportunity, at last, to stop smiling, knows that they would not fall to ruin, now if he allowed himself a moment of vulnerability—but how could he? How, after years of never allowing his smile to fall, could he do so now? How could he when that smile was why Secretary Adawe chose him to serve with Overwatch, why she plucked him from the Crusaders, and the certain death which awaited him had he stayed, why she saved him, if coincidentally, from the fate which befell all of his previous comrades?

To stop smiling, now, when smiling is the reason he, alone, of the Crusaders survived the Crisis, when smiling gave him a second chance at life he is not certain he deserves—knows he does not deserve over some of his fallen brothers—when smiling is all that brought him to this place, and left them, rotting, on the field near Eichenwalde... to stop smiling, now, would be the ultimate disrespect, would feel like he was spitting in the face of his second chance, of the sacrifice of his comrades.

If the only reason he was given life, when his comrades were not, was his tendency to smile, then he shall smile ten times the harder now, will smile in memory of them, will smile for each of the smiles that will robbed from them, will smile until his cheeks hurt—for he feels he has not earned this chance at life, feels he never can, fully. (How could anyone, weighing their life against the lives of a hundred others, feel they have earned the right to live, above any of them?) He will smile, because he was told it earned him this place, this chance at life, and he still feels he does not deserve it, does not deserve to live when they have died, and maybe, _maybe_ , if he keeps smiling, then one day he will feel as if it is his right, to be here, that it was right that he live, even if it meant their deaths.

In the morning, brushing his now far shorter hair, he smiles into the mirror, and some mornings, it even almost feels right, that he is there to smile. In the afternoon, drilling alongside his comrades, and new recruits, he smiles as he barks orders, even as it hurts to think that his mentor will never do the same again, and imagines that one day he will be able to smile without guilt, and believe that Balderich would be proud of him, for what he is accomplishing in the present, for the man he has become, for the legacy he preserves. In the evening, he smiles across the table over dinner, and wills away thoughts of those who were left behind, when the Crusaders died, the girlfriends and husbands and partners who will never receive a smile again, and longs for the day when he feels that he is deserving of this, deserving of love and and a chance at happiness, smiles in the hope that it will someday come, smiles to keep at bay the thoughts as best he can.

Now, there is no question that Reinhardt Wilhem is the best Crusader alive, for he is the _only_ Crusader alive, and he need not smile to secure his place on the team. But smile he does, in the hopes that someday, in a year, five years, fifteen years, he will finally feel right doing so once again.

When he does, he will feel it, and he will know, then, that he deserves to be there, alive.

 

III.

When Overwatch is falling, when Gerard is murdered in his own home, when Ana goes missing, Reinhardt never once allows himself to stop smiling, to stop putting on a hopeful face, to admit how dire the situation is, to falter in his role as the optimist of the team. No longer does he do so because he was ordered, or in the hope that he will ever truly feel as happy, again, as he did before the Crisis, but he does do because if he does not smile, if he does not continue to put on this front, if he allows himself to show that he is sad, is scared, is _scarred,_ then he will frighten the others, will rob them of what little piece of mind they have left.

Already, Reinhardt has been given a second chance at life he does not deserve—so how, now, could he prioritize his happiness above that of others? How could he put himself first, when already he has been given something far more precious than a few moments of peace? How could he choose his own feelings above the feelings of those around him, for whom he cares deeply? It is simple math, in the end, which informs his decision. The happiness of one, himself, cannot be said to outweigh the happiness of those he cares about, of Torbjörn, who has stood by his side throughout everything, and will yet stand there for more, if only Reinhardt would allow him, of Angela, who wants badly to believe that there is hope, yet, that they can achieve something great, can save humanity, of Lena, who grew up hearing stories of Overwatch, and who has only just had the chance to begin serving among their ranks, and has much yet to prove, and to live up to. How could one man outweigh them, and the countless others with whom Reinhardt serves?

So, when Jack and Gabe fight again, when the sounds of their shouting can be heard through the walls of Jack's office, right next to the Briefing Room, and tensions run high, Reinhardt smiles, laughs, and passes it off, "Nothing that hasn't happened before—you should have heard the names they called one another during the Crisis!"

(If Torbjorn remembers, in the moment, that the majority of the shouting and name calling between the two, then, occurred when one was removing a bullet from the other, then it does not matter, for he does not say anything which might belie Reinhardt's statement.)

For the most part, it works, and so long as Reinhardt is with them, he is able to coax a smile from Angela, from Jesse, and even one nearly hidden beneath Torbjörn ever-growing beard.

So long as Reinhardt is with them, he can still choose their happiness over his, can still allow himself to push back all his doubts and fears to choke on. later, alone and in silence, if it means that in the moment he can make one of them feel better, can give them one more happy memory, or the tiniest reprieve from their worry.

Until, suddenly, that choice is robbed from him, and Reinhardt Wilhelm, once a great Crusader, fins himself forced into retirement, where he will not be able to see them day by day, will not be able to bring any peace to anyone else, will not be able to do _anything._

It is Reinhardt's final choice with Overwatch to smile as he walks out Headquarters for the last time.

 

—.

Even when the world turns their backs on Reinhardt, he never turns his back on them. For the people may stop wanting him, but they never stop _needing_ him, never stop requiring his service, never stop relying on heroes. So Reinhardt never stops smiling, and he never stops fighting. The war may be over, Overwatch may have disbanded, but Reinhardt travels, still, operating out of the back of a van, a wandering knight, still offering his services to those who might wish for his aid.

(Brigette suggests that maybe he has never stopped needing _them,_ either, and to her he smiles and laughs it off, as he does everything, even as the thought finds him, night after night, when sleep yet evades him.)

It is only natural, then, that when Overwatch reforms Reinhardt is all too eager to re-enlist. Perhaps they are not the heroes they once were, perhaps they are not, strictly speaking, legal, but they _are_ in need of him, want him to be the anchor he has always been.

Without his smile, Overwatch fell, and so Reinhardt resolves not to let it falter, no matter the circumstances, promises to himself and to all of them that he will not leave, not for anything, even if they try, again, to force himself out for his own good.

When he says it, Reinhardt genuinely believes it, and, for a time, it is true. For a time, he smiles, just as he always has, and stands tall, just as he always did. For a time, Reinhardt is able to remain the same cheerful knight he has always been, never once allowing himself to be vulnerable before the others.

For a time, everything is as it once was, with Reinhardt keeping on a brave face no matter what it is that befalls them, mending and ending disputes with good humor and kindness, bringing the team together in laughter with a well-timed joke. For a time, everything is as it has always been, is as he believes—has believed, for years—it should be, and it seems as if nothing could change that, could break the routine Reinhardt has found himself in, of smiling throughout the day until his cheeks hurt, and returning to the privacy of his own quarters to finally, _finally_ allow himself feel pain, hurt, and sadness. For a time, Reinhardt believes that he will _always_ fill the role Secretary Adawe set before him, that things will not change, because they _cannot_.

Until, suddenly, he finds himself face to face with one of the people dearest to him, his one good eye meeting the only remaining eye of a woman he long thought dead.

It is then, and not a moment before, that Reinhardt finds he cannot continue his charade.

The meeting does not happen in front of all of the others, Reinhardt having been away when Ana returned, but instead happens in the hallway of Watchpoint: Gibraltar in the hour immediately before dawn, when Reinhardt has at last finished cleaning and storing his armor. It is impossible to tell where it was Ana was going at so early an hour, or what she might have been doing—in many ways, she is a stranger to him now, and no longer one of the central figures in his life, and yet, when they make eye contact in that hallway, it does not matter.

For suddenly, after thirty years spent smiling, Reinhardt Wilhelm finds himself crying.

**Author's Note:**

> To be totally clear, Reinhardt really was chosen for his skills _and_ personality, but he's a somewhat unreliable narrator when it comes to how he views himself vs his comrades.
> 
> This STILL keeps with my trend of using 1D lyrics for titles... this time from Perfect, even if it's less specifically a 1D reference and more... a coincidence.
> 
> No ships mentioned here because my Reinhardt ship is a rare, rare ot3, and it didn't really have a place in the fic. You're welcome to take a guess as to what it is though.
> 
> Anyway, let me know your thoughts, have a great day, etc etc.


End file.
